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Custody Evaluation Strategies

Many people fail to realize, to their own detriment, that the hardest working person on your child custody case should be you. It is a lot easier said than done. You’re juggling family, significant life changes, a job, and all of the stress surrounding your divorce, child custody case, and probably a child support matter, too. Make time to work your own case. You may even save yourself some money along the way, too.

In any event, you’ve probably hired an attorney and left your fate almost entirely in their hands. They’re writing motions, filing paperwork and petitions, communicating with your ex-spouse’s attorney among other tasks. You provide primary input, collect information and documentation relevant to the case. The lawyer generally has their hands in every aspect of your child custody case. One area where they’re not going to be there to hand-hold is a child custody evaluation. They can certainly help to prepare you for how the process works and what the end-result is going to be a custody report and recommendation. However, what are you supposed to say? What evidence or other information are you supposed to bring? What are your goals and your strategy?

While not a guarantee to be rubber-stamped by a family court judge, you must be aware that this custody evaluation is a critical component to the overall custody proceedings. The custody evaluator’s report and recommendations do frequently form the basis for your final custody agreement or custody order. As trained professionals who specialize in custody matters and parenting behaviors, judges do put a great deal of stock in what they recommend. Though they don’t spend a great deal of time with you, your ex-spouse, and your children in the overall scheme of things their assessment of you within the constraints of limited time are quite influential.

With all that in mind, where should your focus be?

The priority should be highlighting your knowledge, skills, and abilities as a parent in your own right. Truth be told, many people often come out of the experience understanding that they have to know more about the little details regarding their children that parents normally do in an intact family! So, be prepared to have records at your fingertips such as school records, immunization records, extracurricular activities, names of teachers, doctors, coaches, etc. Be an involved parent and demonstrate it. The parenting dynamic and tasks may have been divided pre-divorce. By the time a custody evaluation rolls around, you shall have positioned yourself to change your involvement to meet with the change in your familial status.

Conversely, you should avoid dominating your sessions by bashing your ex-partner. You will have time to present your concerns in a calm and factual manner. If you didn’t have concerns about the well-being of your children or questions about your ex-spouse’s parenting abilities, you wouldn’t have gotten this far in the process. Show why those false accusations are false and deliberate lies. Depending upon the accusation, you might have any number of records available including phone, emails, text messages, or others that would clearly and convincingly demonstrate reality. Absent such evidence, don’t be afraid to ask the custody evaluator to have your accusing ex-partner provide clear and convincing evidence support the allegations against you.

In the event a home-visit is part of the program, be sure to have your home in a presentable condition. Avoid going overboard and making it a sterile environment fit for a surgical procedure. It’s okay that there are some things out of place, laundry waiting to be done, some toys strewn about, all those things that are part of a normal functioning household. They will have some interaction with the children either at home or in the office. The extent of your discussion with them in terms of preparation is just to let them know to be themselves, that the custody evaluator is just a friendly person working with you and your ex-spouse to help work out some things regarding the future and see how they live. It’s best not to make them afraid of the experience.

Overall, the highlights of your own parenting abilities and the concerns you express about your ex-spouse’s should be couched in a cloak of “impact on the children”. Be sure to keep from devolving into a rag-session about your ex because it will come off as attacking them personally. You want to be expressing concerns about how the lives of your children are going to be positively or negatively impacted by whatever topic you’re discussing. That should remain the top priority and your highest focus during this entire experience so you can win custody.